


look at the crystal moon

by Nokomis



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hugs, Pack Dynamics, Pack Feels, mentions of canonical child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-30
Updated: 2012-07-30
Packaged: 2017-11-11 02:24:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/473422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nokomis/pseuds/Nokomis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five hugs that Isaac gets from his pack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	look at the crystal moon

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Greenet for a prompt on LJ. <3
> 
> Thank you to Lielabell for the beta! This is canon/has spoilers through 2x09.

After Isaac escapes the jail cell, Derek takes him home.

Well, home is probably a strong word for the place, but there’s food and a place to sleep and no locks on the door, so Isaac is okay with it. Derek is quiet, and Isaac doesn’t know him well enough to know whether it’s because of Isaac or if it’s just how Derek is.

“I didn’t do it, you know,” Isaac says finally.

Derek looks up at him. His face doesn’t change, still looks serious and quiet and deadly.

“But I’m glad someone did,” Isaac continues, unsteady. He wrings his hands, staring at his nails. They’re human now, as ragged and bitten as ever, and it seems impossible that just a short time ago there had been claws there instead. “I’m glad, and that’s… it’s almost worse than the fear.”

“After the things he did…” Derek begins, but Isaac shakes his head.

“Exactly. He was my father, and he could do those things. Just… he was my _father_ , and I’m glad he was murdered. What if…”Isaac nervously licks his lips. There’s a new well of something dark and ugly in him now, something that wants to violence. “What if I’m like him?”

“You’re not.” Derek’s tone brooks no argument.

“You don’t even know me,” Isaac says. He can’t look at Derek. The urge to let the wolf out, let himself transform into a monster, is too great. If he looks at Derek, he might try to attack, and he knows in his gut that will end badly for him. 

The easy way that Derek cowed him at the police station taught him that.

It’s a surprise when Derek comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Isaac’s neck, holding him close in a hug that’s only one slight movement away from being a choke hold. “I know guilt,” Derek says quietly. “And you’re feeling too much of it to be a monster.”

Isaac takes a faltering breath, then leans back against Derek’s solid form. It would be easy to break down, but he holds it in.

Being brave is hard, but he’s going to have to start somewhere. 

*

When Erica saunters in behind Derek, it takes Isaac a few long minutes to realize that he knows who she is.

She’s got this awed look on her face, like she’s just stepped into a magical new world, and she’s practically bouncing with barely suppressed joy as she twirls around, arms outstretched, and says, “I can _feel_ the change.”

Derek doesn’t caution her; doesn’t give her the firm lecture on controlling your urges that Isaac got. Instead he’s watching her with this fond, sad look, like she reminds him of someone he misses dearly.

She stops short when she notices Isaac, joy leeching from her features, replaced by something Isaac is more familiar with, though he doesn’t know why she would be afraid of him. She’s got the bite, he can tell just by looking at her, and knows she can tell the same about him.

Then Isaac finally places her, realizes why her features seem so familiar, and he wants to laugh. “Hello, Erica.”

Derek is watching them like he’s introducing two new puppies to each other, and Isaac beats down the urge to sniff Erica. She looks utterly different from the last time he saw her; he thinks that the bite is only part of the transformation. Her hair is no longer a wreck, true, and her clothes are more vixen-like than the shapeless things he’s seen her wearing at school. More importantly, she’s got her shoulders back and her head high, like nothing could hurt her, and it’s such a change from the meek girl that does her best to hide in plain sight at school that Isaac can’t help but stare at her.

She’s steadied herself since recognizing Isaac, as it becomes apparent to her that he isn’t going to make fun of her. There’s only the faintest scent of fear in the air as she takes several gliding steps forward, and she gives in to the urge that Isaac ignored and sniffs him. 

“You too, huh?” she asks before looking back at Derek.

“You both needed it,” Derek says. 

Isaac braces himself for Erica’s inevitable question, but she just gives him a wide, easy smile, like somehow the bite changed more than just her body, like it somehow fixed something inside her. Isaac feels a sharp stab of envy just as Erica flings her arms carelessly around his neck.

She squeezes him tight, then pulls back, holding him at arm’s length and says, “Isn’t this going to be great?”

Her enthusiasm is infectious, and Isaac finds himself smiling back at her.

Derek looks approving as Isaac follows Erica, thinking for the first time since the arrest that maybe, just maybe…

Maybe things will work out.

*

He and Erica had share their change-stories one night, long after dark, sitting on the dusty floor across from each other and whispering, even though they both know first hand that Derek could still hear them if he wanted. 

Erica doesn’t recoil when Isaac numbly recounts what his life had been like, and how the rush of power that came with the transformation had felt like salvation. She just grabs his hand, and Isaac doesn’t even flinch. He’s fast becoming used to the sheer physicality of being a werewolf.

Touch is everything, now.

Erica’s voice is low and awed when she talks about the relief of knowing she’s never going to seize again, of knowing that she could learn to control this change instead of being swept away without notice, that she is strong and powerful and can _do_ things now… 

Isaac recognizes the desperate, wild joy behind it.

*

But then Derek brings Boyd into the pack, and Boyd exudes this strange calm that Isaac just doesn’t understand. He didn’t make the choice out of desperation, he made it with a clear, focused mind, and Isaac wonders if he’ll actually get what he wants out of it.

Erica takes to him immediately, and Isaac tries not to be jealous when he sees them talking together, laughing together easily. To make matters worse, Derek brings him under his wing, obviously training him to be more than just muscle.

Isaac doesn’t want to be envy him, doesn’t want these terrible, creeping feelings. Boyd is pack, and being pack… it’s something that’s important to Isaac. It’s all that he has now, and he’s determined that he’s not going to lose it.

He knows Erica and Derek both see that he’s struggling, but neither say anything. Isaac has to do this for himself, and so, two days after Boyd takes the bite, Isaac approaches him. Warily, like a wolf on the hunt.

Boyd’s sitting in the train car, a book open in his hand. He closes it and nods at Isaac as he approaches. Isaac slides into the seat in front of him, sitting sideways so he can watch him, and drums his fingers nervously on the rain on the back of the seat.

Boyd doesn’t say anything. Boyd’s a lot harder to read than Erica. At least he’s nowhere near as inscrutable as Derek, but then, no one is. Isaac isn’t sure why Derek chose him – he’s not as damaged as Isaac, isn’t as desperate as Erica, and Isaac wishes he knew what Derek offered him.

“I was changed first,” Isaac says, even though it’s not what he planned at all. 

“I know,’ Boyd replies. He sets the book down, and Isaac can see it’s one of the lore books Derek keeps in his trunk.

“Why did you take the bite?” Isaac looks Boyd in the eye. 

Boyd takes a deep, bracing breath, and Isaac thinks for the first time that he isn’t as calm as he outwardly appears. “Because… I told myself it was about the future. About ensuring that I’m strong enough to make something of myself.” His voice is unsteady. Isaac waits for him to continue. “But… I wanted _friends_.”

Isaac has spent too much of his life being lonely to underestimate how strong the lure of friendship can be. “Me, too.” 

“So you’re going to drop this territorial bullshit?” Boyd asks. “Because getting the evil eye from you every time someone talks to me isn’t fun.”

Isaac stands and offers his hand, and Boyd takes it and pulls him in for a hug, their hands clasped between their chests. Isaac leans his head in and takes in Boyd’s scent, which is sharp with nerves and comforting with the underlying tones of _pack_.

“The pack is all I have,” Isaac admits quietly. “I just didn’t want it to slip away.”

“We won’t,” Boyd promises.

When Derek arrives with food and Erica in tow, he sees the change immediately. Isaac wants to duck his head in shame as he realizes that _he’s_ been the one splintering the pack, but instead he just takes the bags from Derek and begins to set out the meal for everyone.

Derek smiles – a real smile, bright and strange on his face, like he’s out of practice -- and for the first time, the pack feels _right_. 

*

Isaac didn’t understand why Derek was so desperate to get Scott into the pack until the rave.

Before, he assumed it was a possession thing: that Alphas had to claim the wolves in their territory or something. It was the only reason he could think of that Scott would be an asset. Sure, he was better at being a werewolf than any of the other new wolves, but Isaac was learning. He could barely remember what being human felt like; could already feel the moon’s call tracing through his veins. 

Isaac was comfortable with the pack the way it was. The way Erica could find ways to make him smile, usually be being his partner in crime; the way Boyd could always find the right comment to break tense silences. The way Derek was slowly opening up to them.

But Derek seems… he seems _relieved_ when Scott agrees to be part of the pack,. It puzzles Isaac. Scott isn’t the brightest, isn’t the strongest, isn’t the most powerful. 

It isn’t until Scott looks him in the eyes and tells him to be careful that Isaac understands what the pack is missing.

Derek is the Alpha, he has to treat them like soldiers. There are dangers out there in the night, hunters and creatures more monstrous than they are, and Derek has to keep them safe. Isaac understands this.

But Scott _cares_. Scott fucking McCall, who Isaac has known since sixth grade but has rarely so much as spoken to, who Isaac has threatened and tried to hurt… Scott worries about his safety.

He feels a strange sort of lightness in his chest as he leads Erica onto the dance floor. She slides her hands across Jackson, and Isaac is there too, trying to remember that Jackson is a monster but mostly biting his tongue so that he doesn’t thank him instead.

He forgets his gratitude once they have Jackson chained up, and Stiles – Stiles! Who Isaac would have assumed would run from this stuff, but instead he takes charge, like he’s the one with supernatural strength – leads the interrogation.

The lightness in his chest disappears as he slowly realizes that the kanima is exacting revenge, and he wonders uneasily if he could have stopped his father from doing… whatever it was that he’d done to deserve the kind of death he’d gotten.

Isaac thinks that maybe, if he’d spoken up about the things his father did, that he wouldn’t have been free to murder… whoever it was that fueled the kanima’s desire for revenge.

But a tiny, bitter part of him thinks of how his father had been when he was young, before Camden had died, before everything had gone so dark, and he knows that he never stood a chance.

He’s feeling cold and shaky when he goes to pick up Derek and Scott from the vet’s. Derek insists that he can drive, but he’s pale and unsteady on his feet, and doesn’t argue too much when Isaac helps him into the backseat. Scott’s even worse off, and Isaac can’t even imagine what _breathing_ wolfsbane would be like.

When he arrives at Scott’s house, he convinces Derek to stay in the back – he breathed in more wolfsbane than he was admitting, Isaac thinks – and loops Scott’s arm over his shoulders, hunching down so he can help Scott into the house.

“Did you get Jackson?” Scott rasps as Isaac pushes open the front door and slowly helps him up the stairs. It would only take a second if Isaac just picked Scott up, but he’s not going to suggest it. Scott looks too proud of himself for being able to shuffle his feet from step to step, and Isaac knows what it’s like to be able to stretch and move again after thinking that maybe you were going to die in a dark, lonely place.

“Yeah,” Isaac says, “Stiles will tell you what he said once you’re better.”

“He’s a good friend,” Scott agrees, resting his head on Isaac’s shoulder. “Glad you didn’t get paralyzed.”

“Too bad you weren’t as careful.” Isaac tightens his grip on Scott, who seems to be fading. The effort from the stairs, Isaac thinks, and subtly lifts Scott up for the last few steps. 

He’s about to deposit Scott in his bed when Scott seems to get a tiny burst of energy and uses it to wrap Isaac in a hug. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Isaac says, though he reflexively hugs Scott back.

He wonders when that became a reflex. 

“You kept Stiles safe,” Scott says. “He’s smarter than we are, but he’s more breakable. So thank you.”

“He didn’t need much protecting,” Isaac says. “But… thank you.”

“For what?” Scott blearily sits down on the side of the bed, and Isaac helps him out of his shoes.

“Caring,” Isaac says, not looking up. When he stands up, Scott is already curled on his side on the bed, and Isaac leaves without saying another word.

When he gets to the car, Derek is staring at the headliner of his car, his breathing steadier than it was when Isaac left. “You were right,” Isaac tells him. “We do need Scott.”

Derek just nods.

*

Isaac knows he shouldn’t seek out Jackson, but the moon’s approaching zenith is filling him with recklessness, and after the first lacrosse practice of spring break, he grabs Jackson’s shoulder and says, “Hey, can we talk a minute?”

“I have nothing to say to you,” Jackson says, only he… he looks off-kilter, for the first time that Isaac can remember.

Jackson has always been the kid that Isaac wishes he could be, normal and popular and happy. It’s strange to think that was as big of a lie as the fronts that Isaac has put up through the years.

“Nothing?” Isaac asks.

“Are you still on about that?” Jackson says. “Jesus. Sorry I falsely accused you of murdering your father, though, to be fair, it’s not like it would have been a big surprise if you _did_ snap and kill that asshole.”

Isaac swallows hard, fighting to keep the claws and fangs in check. He can feel the need to _change_ bubbling just under his skin, and it takes everything he has to keep the growl from his voice as he says, “I didn’t want to talk to you about that. Not exactly.”

“Well it’s not like we have anything else to discuss,” Jackson says, and starts to brush past Isaac.

Isaac grabs him by the back of the jersey and says, “How much do you remember from last night?”

“Fuck you,” Jackson snarls.

After seeing him the previous night, scales covering his skin and eyes inhuman, Jackson yelling just doesn’t seem very frightening at all. Isaac shoves him against the wall, one arm across the back of his neck and the other wrapped around his arm to hold it in place. It’s almost a hug, Isaac thinks, as he leans in close and says, “Thank you.”

“Thank—what the hell are you talking about?” Jackson says, struggling, but it’s the day of the full moon and Isaac is far, far stronger than Jackson.

“I didn’t think you’d remember if I told you last night. Thank you for what you did.” Isaac doesn’t need to tell him why, but he thinks that maybe somewhere deep down Jackson understood what the kanima was doing and targeted Isaac’s father first.

It’s probably a false assumption, made just because it’s what Isaac wants to believe. He doesn’t really care.

“Get the hell off me, you freak,” Jackson hisses, and there’s a hint of something reptilian in it, so Isaac lets go and gets the hell away before the venom comes out.

He accomplished what he wanted to.

*

When he tells Derek that his anchor was his father, it was the truth.

It just wasn’t the full truth.

The loss of control of the full moon was more terrible than Isaac thought it would be. The horror-rage-bloodlust took over everything, turned his vision red and his thoughts bloody, and throughout it all he just wanted to claw, claw, claw at the _world_ to escape it, but he was as helpless as _before_.

It makes him remember the times _before_ , before life turned into a nightmare, and he remembers the way his father would hug him tight before Isaac ran to catch the bus. The way his brother would sweep him up and around in circles when he was young. 

The way it feels when his pack wraps their arms around him and feel like home.

It centers him, and he understands the use of the word anchor as control snaps into place, tethered to the feelings that keep him human even as the animal rages within him.

It’s _family_ , and his pack has become that.


End file.
